Go ahead...

and laugh at me. I am snickering at myself. Now I am. I was not this morning.

I will tell you about something I learned about myself today. I really AM am a control freak, AND, I have good reasons to be controlling.

Stick with me here.. :)

So, I must say I am aware that about 35% of my stress comes from my feeling such for others. I feel stressed when I see people being taken advantage of, being misunderstood, made to feel uncomfortable, having their feelings hurt, etc. I realize this about myself. I really stress for others more than I need to, especially when there are alot of situations that I have no control over making better for them, or they are capable of taking care it themselves without my help.

Either way, I am aware.

I was sitting in church this morning when this little protective control freakness of mine came out. I was sitting behind a couple who was only one of two couples sitting on the pew. They had about a 10 foot space to themselves, a few feet on eachside, as they were about 1/3 of the way in from the end. After the service had gotten started, when everyone was sitting already, the usher brought a group of people in. I knew that more than half of them were visitors, being here for the birth of one of our new babies. There were about 8 of them.

I see the usher make eye contact with the people already sitting. This look to me says, I have a group, now scoot your buns over. Apparently, this was not universally understood because the couple didnt scoot but about an inch. My chest starts tightening.

Seriously, I feel acid start producing almost immediately.

From where the couple was already seated to the end of the pew, there was enough room for about half of the group. This inspired the couple seated to move, another inch.

I see the visitors squeezing in, embarrassed because they have now be standing long enough to make a scene. They are carrying the baby paraphanalia with them, so you can imagine. While the new mommy/family combo are being seated, squishing themselves as much as possible, I am looking at amazement at the 5 feet on the OTHER side of the couple firstly seated. Are you kidding me?

They squeeze, squish and there is still one lone car-seat carrying granddaddy being stranded in the isle.

At this point, I want to ..with all my person, get up walk across they isle (I wasnt right behind them, I was across and catty corner from them) and start directing this chaos. (I hear you laughing, I give you permission to open mouth laugh at me..go ahead. We will wait........)

At this point the husband AND wife part of the sitting couple look down the isle, see the group still struggling..and you guessed it..they moved another inch.

Seriously. I was a ball of nerves.

Finally, they had moved their total of 3 inches over and now all the rears were seated. This was apparently enough for seated couple, cause they went right back to praisin' Jesus (how any one could do that at a time like this , I dont know!). Those poor people were packed like sardines, elbows inside their body, balancing new baby, car seat, diaper bag, etc on their knees for the whole service WHILE those nice little empty 5 feet are still open on the WRONG side of the sitting couple.

At this point, I am performing relaxation breathing, laughing to myself for my controlling tendencies, and chiding myself for the difficult time I was having concentrating. I was also asking myself WHY does this upset me so bad? Why am I so stressed by this?

Then, as if God himself had answered my question, He provided for me my very own exact experience to enlighten me with.

I always sit on the end. I do this because I am claustraphobic. I feel panicking and stressed when I feel like I cant get out, there are too many people on either end of me. I cant breath when I am sitting between lots of people. Its stressful.

So, this is where I was today. Adrian is working this weekend, and Ty and I were churching together, just to two of us. We were strategically placed, where I had full view of the drama across the isle, and Ty had enough room to move a bit during the service without disturbing anyone. Not so much longer.

I was calming my nerves from the aforementioned stress-inducer, when Big Mama showed up, with her brood. Now, let me explain that I had about enough room for 1 1/2 sets of cheeks on the other side of me between me and the next group on the pew. I knew this already, so when she walks up, signals for me to scoot over, I knew how much room I had to scoot and still had room to wiggle. Well, I started to move that direction somewhat slowly as I had a three -year old, all of his stuff (it was half-way through the service), and my purse which he had emptied on the pew. She didnt care that I wasnt over yet. She SAT on me. NO lie. I had to pull my dress from under her she sat so close to me.

I kept scooting, until I could do so comfortably no more. Didnt matter. Big Mama and her group were still filing in. SERIOUSLY?!

Now, her and her group (three of them) got themselves comfortable. I was squished between her and the next group. Ty was on my LAP (this should go well for another 30 minutes), and he kept kicking the gals on either side of me with his long legs. I am hyperventilating at this point.

I was stressed.

We got up to do the customary stand-before-the sermon to sing, when Big Mama must've somehow let the rest of the group know where she was sitting cause I am NOT kidding you when I tell you that THREE more adult people tried to file in. We were standing, so everyone just kept scooting in, didnt matter that there were people there.

I actually gathered up my stuff (which was hard, as Ty was standing in front of me, and I couldnt even bend over to get our stuff from under the pew) and excused myself to the gal beside me. I was mad, I was irritated, I was hot, and I was seriously stressed.

This girl (not Big Mama) caught on to my distress, and signaled for everyone on other side of her to scooch some more. Somehow, between that and a few kids leaving for Childrens Church we were able to get me some seat back.

Ty still sat on my lap, and I really had to focus on breathing and not being thoroughly irritated.

Now, I must say that while I do think that there were plenty of other seats that they could have sat and that I dont think that it takes a genius to guesstimate how much room it will take to seat 6 large adults in a space (more than 1 1/2 cheeks worth), I dont think ill of those people, nor will have to go forward next Sunday for thoughts I had of them.

I realize that alot of the stress was from my feeling like the situation was out of my control, and that a little direction would've fixed everything. I, of course, often choose myself as the one who directs most often. I again, admit. But, in my defense I do it to prevent stuff like THAT from happening to others, as well as myself.

So, there. :) Now, leave a comment (ha, just kidding..no really, leave one).