I am reading another book this week that has put my mind to thinking (I have been doing alot of that lately).
Its by Debi Pearl, and called "Created to be His Help Meet" ..not mate, meet. That wasnt a typo. She says that that word has a different meaning than "mate", with more stress on the part of our being created to meet the needs of our husbands.
Its an interesting book. I shall recommend it, but with a disclaimer. She is a no bones kinna gal. She firmly believes what she says, and doesnt mind telling the reader exactly what she thinks. Its not always said in a very soft or with alot of sugar, and at time it seems pretty harsh. I dont agree with everything she says. I think she places extreme burden in areas where I think the husband is meant to share the load, and makes some very harsh and I think unfair judgements at times.
That being said, her general premise is one worth considering, even trying to implement on a daily basis.
The general idea she is conveying is that it is, as wives, our duty and purpose to serve and "reverence" our husbands. She encourages us to live our wifely roles free of complaining, whining, being overly emotional or "quick to offense" ...while living to serve God through service to the fella He gave us. She promises a "glorious marriage" ..one, where regardless of the wonderfulness (or lack thereof) of the hubby to which we have committed ourselves, we shall find a haven of peace in knowing we have fulfilled the purpose for which we were created.
She stresses that we are not called to these things IF he deserves it. His perfection is not a prerequisite for our respect and honor. His equal effort is not necessary for us to do our part.
I must admit, there have been moments of challenge for me, when I feel she is making a scriptural challenge to love in a way that is "foolishness" to the world, and to submit to my husband in a way that I am not comfortable with at this level of my maturity...but perhaps need to learn.
The challenge is one that is not new, and often the point of much controversy as we interpret its meaning from the place of modern culture and societal influences what it means to "submit", "reverence" and "honor" our mates.
Its a serious challenge. Not something that comes naturally to us, as modern woman. Its rough learning how to take that seat of the protected, the weaker, and selfless servant of the family.
But, as a fellow sister pointed out just this week in ladies bible class ..when we do things the way God designed, we get benefits of His plan as well. When it comes to marriage, those benefits can be far reaching, not only to our marriages, our husbands, children but to others who are lost in this world of devalued marriage and family influence.
The challenge for me this week, will be watching for areas where I am undermining his authority and withholding honor due him in our home. I have already picked up on some areas where I do this, by rolling of the eyes, jokingly pointing out his mistakes or weaknesses, or mentally placing myself superior to him in the way I think about him or his decisions for us.
Also, I am making an effort to build him up in our children's eyes (like that is real hard, he is really a great dad). Which has been good for all of us ..me included.
She has also made some challenges in the area of "training up a child", which brings to light how my lack of organization and time management has taken from our home. That one hurt.
I see and talk to people all the time who are miserable in their marriage or in post-divorce situations. I see their bitterness, and lack of joy in their life. I think Satan has an easy task in our homes when we allow him to thwart our view of what our role is in the marriage that we committed to God. Also, when we think that marriage is anything more than hard work, selfless service to one another, not always fun and worth every ounce of effort.
I feel so strongly that our families are THE secret (or not so secret) weapon that God has for getting as many people as possible back to Him "...Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife (or husband) of your youth. " Malachi 2:15
Like I said, its a challenge..but one worth taking, and too important not to.
4 comments:
Ashley showed me your blog. It is lovely. This article was wonderfully written. Glad that you were able to read the book. It is good, harsh, and thought provoking.
You said, "I think she places extreme burden in areas where I think the husband is meant to share the load . . " I thought that you might like to know that the CD 'For Men Only' that her husband, Micheal Pearl, authored is equally harsh/blunt about the husband's responsibilty to love and cherish his wife and his responsiblity at the home. Neither of them sugar coat anything. They do place loads on both spouses to do what is right no matter the other's desires or capabilities. Just thought that you might be interested in that information.
Have a blessed day! ~April P.
I AM interested, and thanks girl! I will certainly look for that one ...we would match better at church if we both had black eyes to match each other :)
Jesse has a copy of that CD if you guys want to borrow it. Also, Debi's husband is working on a marriage book for men. It should be a good read. Wish I could read it! I'll leave that up to Jesse.
Debi is hard and sometimes places a heavy burden on women but I always try to remember that she is writing to women. She is not telling us what our husbands ought to be like. She is telling us what we ought to be like. A Christian husband will often step up and cherish his wife, making her job a pleasure but Debi is careful not to promise it. She doesn't guarantee how your husband will treat you. I appreciate that she does not give women an excuse based upon their husband's behavior.
I'm glad you are reading and learning from the book. It's a mixed blessing!!
I would like to borrow it ..thanks girl! I think that you are right. The fact that she takes the husbands out of the responsibility picture is driving home the point that it doesnt matter what degree of responsiblity he takes, it doesnt change our role. This is an excellent point.
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