Today was one of those days..I have been writing a blog entry all day in my head. This, as therapy so I would not lose my mind.
It was a day that I had to resist feeling sorry for myself (like I have much to feel sorry about, I know). The kids were terrors, the dog was constantly underfoot (when he wasnt wetting ON MY BED, or chewing the LAST sippy cup in the house..cause he has chewed all the other ones), the noise level was off the scale, the laundry was especially moutainous, the messes especially messy and the sames ones made mulitiple times. It was raining outside so I didnt get to run, nor could I kick the little ones out the door so they could expend some energy.
Amid all that I suddenly realized that every closet in the house was wreck, the kids clothes needed gone through because I couldnt fit their outgrown AND the current sizes of clothes in their drawers. My room was a disaster, dont know the last time I cleaned my bathroom, dont know what I am cooking for dinner, or what I am gonna do for Adrians lunch tomorrow.
My house is too small, my failures too big, my clutter too overwhelming, my cause too lost, and my brain on the verge of explosion. I am underappreciated, underpaid, overworked and overtired.
Canon is crying and whiney (two year molars?), Ty is singing at the top of his lungs, WOW WOW WUBSY is blaring, I trip over the dog ..and I lose it.
"CANON! SHUT UP! TY..TURN OFF THE TV AND GO TO YOUR ROOM TO SING! GOLIATH...GET OUT OF MY WAY! ..EVERYONE, STOP TOUCHING ME, STOP CRYING, STOP SCREAMING, STOP TATTLING, STOP WHINING!"
Yes, that is what it is like when 30-year old woman throws a temper tantrum.
Canon's heart is broken, Ty isnt fazed, the dog only looks at me with a perplexed look..and I feel about 1 inch tall.
Why are some days like this?
I dont know. Not sure that anything specific caused all of it to come down on me at the same time. But it did.
These days are few, thank goodness.
Then, I went to bible class with my home girls. Interestingly we were talking about our thinking, and how it effects our day, and our outlook on everything in general. We listened to a segment of a lesson by Joyce Meyer and she reminds us to get rid of our "stinkin' thinkin'". This, I needed.
So, while I hope tomorrow is better, I close the day with a prayer of thankfulness (interesting, whenever the scripture talks about changing our mindset it tells us to be thankful, hmmm.) and confession. I know that there are many, many woman who only wish for these kind of frustrations. I know that my home, messy and disorganized as it is, is a blessed home where we can lose our temper sometimes and be forgiven for it. Its large enough to hold our things, the ones that bring us comfort and calm. Its nice enough to welcome others with open arms, and find peace with each other.
I laid my kids down to bed, both thankful that it was finally bedtime, and that they were healthy enough to make messes, throw temper tantrums, sing at the top of their lungs and forget my little outburst ever happened.
"Love you, mama." From Ty.
"Nite Nite Mama." From Canon.
Night, night my angel babies. And, thank you God for all of it.
2 comments:
I can't wait to see you tomorrow! Today was a little frustrating for me, too. The kids seem to be tag-teaming: when one stops whining/crying, the other starts. Some days are just more trying than others, I guess. But you're right. Class tonight was great, and we have SO MUCH to be thankful for.
WOW, first I felt like you were writing my blog and then came the end. I am thank for you and the way you choose to look at it. I havent seen it that way in a long time. You always have a way with making want to be a better person and mom. Love you so much!!
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