My Radical Life ..part 2

...as I was saying ...there have been some serious perspective changes in me.

I realized that my choice to stay home has been one of the heart, but not out of love for God. I desired for my children to be raised with a godly perspective, and to be set apart from the negative influences that are so powerful at their age. I wanted Ty to be challenged educationally, and for my kids to reach their "potential".  Being faced with the question, "what are you willing to do for me?" And, having a moment of clarity of heart, when I genuinely was open to anything God needed from me ...giving up homeschooling and me going to back to work, or staying home and giving up things that made me feel secure (like having two pennies to rub together)

Like a ball from out field  ...I knew, and know ..this is it.

I means giving up things that I am strangly at peace about. I means that we have to trim things from our budget that I have put my faith in, like the health insurance and monthly savings. It means that we have to trust in God, and not in things the world tells us is the "responsible" thing to do.  It means that we have to take a deep breath, do without alot of things (like that Thirty One utility tote I have been drooling over! :) but it feels GREAT, refreshing somehow.

There is peace in this place where we are living in God's will, trusting his providence and living a life that is about him and not us and our plans.

Right now, the Steeds are  ....seven months away from finishing nursing school for daddy, daddy only getting to work 3 shifts a week, mommy working part time to fill in the necessary gaps (about one shift a week), homeschooling two crazy boys, spending time as a family as much as possible, are fully focused on teaching these boys how to be godly men and are not covered by health insurance,.

It has changed what we did before ..if for no other reason, that because my perspective is different. The processes we did before, teaching my kids at home because it was what I know ...is now infinitely more important to me. I am passionate about teaching my kids about God and his love for us. I want to instill godly character like I havent needed to do before. I need to take care of my home because it is the base for this radical life.  I need to take care of my body, because its the tool I use to live this radical assignment. I have to manage my resources drastically differently, in order to provide what we need if not all the things we want right now.

It is a peaceful place.  It is a place of purpose. And, the sacrifice seems self-serving in light of the blessings that come with total reliance on God and his blessings in our lives.  It doesnt make sense, but its okay.

What a small challenge, really.  In light of the possible call to sacrifice health, home, dreams or material blessings ...this is what I would have chosen to start with. Really, I am not sacrificing anything dramatically different that I had already planned on...but the difference is in the fact that I am sacrificing it to God, for God. I want to do it for him, not me. I want to be all in, not so my kids are the smartest on the block, but because for some reason the lessons they learn here must be important to God's kingdom.

So, I am willing to give up (drum roll, please) financial security, a comfortable grocery budget (extreme couponing..here I come!), more coffee in the morning than is healthy (this a big deal..trust me), NCIS Los Angeles and the Mentalist (if it is taking away from my tasks in the moment ;), a future of having all my kids in school 8 hours a day (that is hard some days), freedom to serve in my community and my church more (that one is hard too, when so many around me are so passionate in this area), being a famous blogger (lol, blog networking isnt so much on the important list right now), having people approve of all our choices (who in their right mind doesnt have health insurance?! ...I had to convince the Blue Cross Blue Shield lady we werent total slackers)...and whatever else he needs. 

I dont say any of that stuff to applaud me ...at all, but to empahsize how great a peace comes with sacrifice ..no matter how small, for the sake of being in love with God. I am far from being where I know I can be through his grace, but I want it more than I ever did before.

{she says as her three year old is asking over and over again to play trains with him, and her five year old is waiting to start school, and she is on her second cup of coffee and ..is the baby awake, how long has he been fussing?!} ...hey I didnt say I was there yet, I just want to be! :)